Swimsuit hell

The worst thing about going on a relaxing holiday in the sun is the fact that at some point you have to expose vast amounts of ghost-white skin and flab to the unsuspecting hordes. This may partly explain why I haven't been on a lying-by-the-pool holiday since September 2000! In fact, that may possibly be the last time I actually wore a swimsuit.

So with the much-longed for trip to Ischia fast approaching I've been wondering how to address the issue of what to wear by the pool that won't make me feel like a fat white freak.

My old swimsuit (a blue floral tankini) still fits -- in fact, I'm in much better shape than I was back then thanks to two years of cycling -- but I wanted to get something a little more funky.

At one point I  considered getting one of these -- a head-to-toe "burqini" -- but in the end opted for this sporty number:

I ordered it online from ukswimstore.com last Thursday and I picked it up from the Royal Mail depot this morning. I was almost too scared to open the package. I was concerned the swimsuit wouldn't fit, that I'd have to squeeze myself into something that was designed for someone half my size. But alas! It was just like Goldilocks discovering that the porridge in the smallest bowl was just right: the tankini wasn't too tight, nor was it too loose, but fit like a glove.

These things never happen to me, so I'm wondering if I just got lucky or whether, in my old age, I'm no longer inclined to be as fussy (or as paranoid about my body) as I once was... I'm resigned to the fact that I'm never going to have a flat stomach, so why bother fretting about it, right?

Now I just have to work on getting rid of the whitest body in the world... Does anyone know if those self-tanning moisturisers, such as Johnson's holiday skin, really work?

Comments

[melody]

Yep -that stuff works. Takes the glow off.

[Kinuk]

I don't know anything about tanning, shunning the sun due to my paler than pale skin, but I do LOVE that tankini! It looks absolutely fab. I hope you enjoy wearing it on your holiday!

[Raelha]

I know all about swimsuit hell. It's impossible to find anything funky in Spain as anything big enough to fit my chest into it is inevitable designed for old grannies. Maybe I should look online as that tankini looks great.

I've stopped worrying about flabby bits since I saw old ladies on the beach in Barcelona with their swimsuits rolled down to their tums and letting it all hang out - they were having a wonderful time and didn't give a monkey's what they looked like.

[kimbofo]

Melody, I've also discovered it goes a bit streaky, so not sure it's as wonderful as everyone makes it out to be. Oh well.

Kinuk, I'm one of those unfortunate creatures that goes red then peels, so I usually try to avoid the sun.

Raelha, on my last holiday in the sun I remember seeing a gaggle of German women letting it all hang out as well -- and I kind of figured I really had nothing to worry about compared to them!